Stick and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me.
Try and stay with me here, it only took about 4 years in therapy
to try and figure this out…..and it still doesn’t make sense.
To begin with, my last name is Pafka- keep the “P” in mind.
My Mother’s maiden name Mary Lavorgna
Mary Lavorgna married Frank Kafka Sr. (Yes, it’s a “K”) from Poland
This happy couple gave birth to the perfect man child
Frank Kafka Jr,
Frank Kafka Sr cheated on wife Mary and caught Syphilis
Mary Kafka was pissed and decided to have her own affair and cheat on Frank Kafka Sr.
Mary Kafka had a one night stand with Stanley Pafka (no typo here- it is Pafka) at the White Tower Restaurant where they were both working.
What the hell was she thinking?
This crazed woman and clueless man gave birth to
Maria Meda Pafka
Mary didn’t think Maria “looked like a Maria” so she called her Suzy.
Mary realized that she didn’t want this baby girl and probably wouldn’t be
keeping her anyway, so let someone else name her.
Meanwhile, back at the Syphilis ranch,
Frank Kafka Sr dies
Mary Kafka throws out Stanley Pafka and tells him this girl child isn’t really his.
Stanley leaves forever thinking he doesn’t have a daughter.
Mary gives Maria Meda Suzy Pafka to neighbors, friends, or anyone who expresses any kind of interest in this baby.
Frank Kafka Jr, the perfect son, gets to live with his mother.
This is not the end.
6 years later, Mary marries Frank Martino only for convenience. No sex involved.
These words have echoed throughout my childhood.
Mary Martino decides to take Suzy back because, “no one really wants you and the only woman who does is crazy”. Yeh. How am I doing here?